When a white package parachuted from the celestial realm and landed in central New Jersey recently, the people who found it were alarmed not only by the device’s strange hissing sound — but also by the handwritten note that referenced US President Trump. No, it wasn’t an alien species wanting their Donald back. Unfortunately.
But, with an ever growing list of detractors across the globe, authorities were quick to react to the rather odd occurrence. Particularly so when the mysterious package was dropped some 40 km from where Trump was staying, psyching himself up for the rigours of golf the next day. Of course here at Belly Buzz Central we’re thinking… 40kms! This is taking paranoia to a whole new level. But then again, The Donald, has made himself the odd enemy or 2 billion (hey, China is already 1.38 billion and counting!).
Back to the story… so on one particular Tuesday morning, this Styrofoam-wrapped package attached to a red parachute floated down from the heavens above. And no, it wasn’t sent by John McCain (well, we don’t actually have actual proof of that, but we reckon if Senator McCain was going to do something like that, it would be pin-point accuracy n’est-ce pas?).
So, it turns out this mysterious package dropped onto a solar panel field in South Brunswick, N.J., 40kms from where Trump was staying in some place called Bedminster (sounds a bit Stormy D to us). People who work nearby called the authorities which of course caused an ‘American panic’ which pretty much means ‘all-hands on deck’ with lots of dramatic high speed vehicle movement, sirens blasting, lights-a-flashing… you get the picture.
And so what the police officers, firefighters and a bomb squad found, was a note attached to the celestial object. Hand written in black marker, it said: “NASA Atmospheric Research Instrument NOT A BOMB!”. It went on: “If this lands near the President, we at NASA wish him a great round of golf.”
“Wahahahahaha,” was the only sound in the Belly Buzzer cubicle for about 10 minutes! I’m sure you can, as we did, see how all this was going to pan out. There’s probably only one thing worse than saying the ‘B’ word in an airport, and that’s to say it in close proximity to the word ‘President’!
Naturally, and despite the all-caps assurance that the package was not, in fact, a bomb, the good natured note did little (no, make that EXTREMELY little to NOTHING) to quell the anxieties of the men and women in sun glasses, blue polyester, black tailored suits and khaki who discovered it.
Two days later – we have no idea why it took them that long, but this is an odd land we are talking about – the local police department issued a statement to assure the public that no one had been put in danger by this “suspicious” package.
As it turns out, the mystery box was merely an ozone monitoring device released into the air by NASA. No doubt they reckoned that the massive amounts of carbon monoxide spewing from the POTUS was a good opportunity to correlate noxious Trump emissions with global warming.
Be that as it may, the note that sparked the chaos was written by an undergraduate intern employed by NASA. A NASA spokesperson said that the added line of text about President Trump was a “misguided attempt to be lighthearted,” and that the student was removed from the project. “We are taking steps to standardise the labeling on these scientific instruments.” Duh. Really, you mean the budget at NASA is so pathetic that you can’t even print off a sticker on the laser printer with the NASA logo on it!?!
The Belly Buzzers are now re-considering just who is more pathetic in this whole ‘fake’ drama (yes, we did have to throw in at least one of The Donald’s favourite words).
The device, just in case you actually want more real details, was one of six released in the general area as part of the Long Island Sound Tropospheric Ozone Study, which analyses air pollution in the New York City region (You see, we’re right! It is about Trump emissions!). The study involves a few dozen organisations, including NASA, the federal Environmental Protection Agency and New York State’s Department of Environmental Conservation. Bust them all we say!
Considering the device’s appearance, it is not surprising that people thought it could be a bomb, said the deputy director of Northeast States for Coordinated Air Use Management, a nonprofit behind the study. The gadget, which he said was about 39 sq cm, typically contains wires and makes beeping noises. The reported hissing was likely the sound of a pump sucking in air through a sensor to measure air pollution, the deputy said.
While typically these devices are carried out over the Atlantic Ocean before returning to earth, this one obviously had a different plan.
Scientists who depend on such devices hope the unexpected burst of publicity will not hinder their research. This study — which combines state, federal and academic resources — focuses on tracking air pollution that is carried by a sea breeze from New York City to areas of Connecticut, Rhode Island and Massachusetts.
“We’re hoping this little glitch won’t throw a wrench in it,” the Deputy Director said. “We don’t want the big picture to get lost.” Once again… cue the WAHAHAHAHAH laugh track. Not to worry, The Donald always keeps the BIG picture in mind (for at least 8.5 seconds).
Out of all of this we reckon it wasn’t just the intern that was going to pay the price, however. We’re willing to bet that NASA sees it budget slashed at some point as a result of this and hey, let’s face it, the indubitable Donald doesn’t appear to believe in science anyway – just look at his position on climate change for starters! Oh, and he also thinks its important to send astronauts back to the moon (he does realise that its a bit of old ‘been there done that’ doesn’t he?).
Next in line… drones. No doubt this will throw a curve ball to efforts to allow drone usage in the US. These little technological wonders could be used for all kinds of maleficence… like dropping hate mail on the Pres. Ouch that would really hurt.